It’s the last day of the year 2010, the year that brought change, inner-conflict, shame, addictions, tears, regrets, liver problems, meaningless hook-ups, adventures, goose bumps, kisses in the rain; and the list keeps growing as I reminisce. As I say goodbye to this enigmatic year I can feel the year of the metal rabbit coming in; possessing my body and altering it for the greater good. The reason I describe this year as enigmatic- it was full of surprises. It started of as being the best year yet! January 18, I dropped acid, I had a wonderful best friend, the parties were great, Junior year- the most craziest, high times yet. What I didn’t know was that soon, everything would go berserk and out of my grasp. Towards the end of my Junior year, Fall semester I got arrested for possession of marijuana. The first day wasn’t as bad as the next time I would be in there, I felt my body numb, as if my downfall had finally come. What had I done? Never in my life did I predict myself in jail, nonetheless doing drugs at school, or even doing drugs at all. My day at the county jail was interesting, full of people too profound to put to words. Those memories will always stay so there is no need to put it in writing. To be honest, my days at the alternate school I had to attend for getting caught in school was way worse than jail time. The summer after that was the summer that would change everything. A littler before summer actually started I was too terrified to confront the school I was to go to so I decided to runaway and go on a drug binge. Those days were almost as if they were written in a juvenile fiction novel. It was quite an interesting ride we threesome had. Until it got ugly for two of us when cop car lights were flashing in our faces. The second time in jail was only about a month after from the first and is only but a careless blur to me. Life was at it’s edge, it seemed as if only at 17 years old life was being terminated by the second. There was no hope left for me, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. After less than two months of torture from my probation that came along with the last arrest, I was going insane. As my reoccurring best quality- running away from my problems took over me once more. I had gone away with my former runaway friend; for we both were facing similar conflicts with ourselves. It seemed as if our fictional novel had resumed in writing itself out for our personal adventures. Those two weeks were the counter feeling of our current despairing lives. We were finally free… I can still remember the feeling it brought to my soul, as if it had finally come back to life. The consequences soon came and landed me back in the hole. These events were brought up from my ill-choiced actions this year. I don’t blame anyone but myself, and maybe my mother. I felt as if I had established a life in there. The first few days were the worst, I couldn’t bare the cold hard floor any longer. I felt lifeless, the few warm, wet tears that condoled my cheeks were set to dry on the cold concrete benches of the Webb County Jail. This time I met a person that kindled a warmth inside of me I hadn’t felt in so long. My best regards towards you- my guardian angel. My freedom came in time and finally I was ready to change and pursue a life full of actual emotions. No more artificials.
This year was too abundant of change; I took in new substances into my body, but the most memorable: cocaine. That sole angelic powder was the reason for 2010 having such a huge impact on my life. At first it seemed harmless, I thought of it as my girlfriend. It made me feel powerful, confident, and yet earthy. It made me compassionate and wild mixed in one; I was on top of the world. The cause of everything this past year is only based on that “harmless” substance. I sadly failed to recognize that and continued my rebel ways shortly after my awakening at jail. But the biggest shame of all- as I’m writing this, I still fail to recognize it…
